Well, school has been crazy and life continues to be the same. I am trying to get myself back into the flow of being a productive member of society. And in ways I am there. I have been a full time student for about a month now and haven't missed a single day of school. I have been able to keep my house in halfway decent shape. But I have to admit that my motivation isn't very healthy. I have this fear that I am doing all this to prove my worth. That if the house is clean enough and that I can prove that I am a good cook and house keeper that life will get better. As a good friend recently told me, I need to learn to enjoy my company over others and I can't settle for anything less that perfect for me. And the sad part is that I know she is right. I know that what I am fighting for is less that what I deserve, it just doesn't feel like it right now. I feel like things could be better than they ever were before. But I also know that that's out of my hands. Sometimes no matter how badly you want something for your life you don't always get a say in it. And dang that makes me mad. I hate that I don't get a say in my own life. I hate that if I want something I can't have it (not that I am spoiled and get what I want, but that I don't get a choice in what I want).
But I guess that everyone has that in their life and I need to learn to suck it up... well sort of anyways. Screw yesterday, I made it through today, and I am hoping and praying that tomorrow won't be as bad as the days prior!
