More Paint Therapy Part 3

Here is the newest edition. I wanted something that I could look at and find peace, and I have always found that in Cherry blossoms. It is my first attempt so please keep that in mind! I would be grateful for some feedback!

Easter 2010 (Dup from other blog)

This has been one of the hardest days of my life. Last Easter at 6pm I was induced. I knew the girls wouldn't make it and I dreaded every moment. This year all I am left with are the memories of my girls and my husband. I really could have used his support today, but I didn't have him and I don't even know if he remembered.

Last Easter was the day that my happiness ended, and this year I am in search for it. It's 12:47 and Easter is officially over (thank God) and only one person outside of my Mother even mentioned them. I want to scream to the world the story of my girls. They deserve to be remembered openly by those who love and miss them but I feel like I am the only one who ever brings them up, except for my 5 year old nephew who obviously misses them and always asks me about them.

I just want them to be remembered, and I understand that I want them to be remembered in my own way, but I just love them so much and I feel like others should be as heartbroken by their passing as me. For once I just want someone in my real life to understand what I am feeling and actually be there for me. I want someone to cry with me and talk about them. Someone who remembers them, someone who was there to meet them and hold them and love them. I just want my family back...

Emotional Ramblings

Everyday I sit and I wonder why.
Why am I the one that is so easy to forget?
It wasn't that long ago that I was engrossed in happiness.
How could you have forgotten so easily?
How could this be something that you just turn your back on?
Everything I did was to make everything better, to make everyone happy.
Now what do I do?
People tell me that I need to focus on me and my happiness.
But the things that will make me happy are out of my reach, so again I ask, now what?
I try to think that the things people tell me are the truth, but after so many lies, I can't even begin to trust anyone.
I inherently want to believe in the good in people, but the keep proving me wrong.
Yet I keep going.
Why?
Do I really think that I can make a difference?
Do I think that people will just get better?
That people will learn that by ruining other peoples lives theirs won't be better.
That they will learn that after making a mistake you can't just keep on going with your life and act like you never did anything wrong.
Cause believe it or not, those in which you have inflicted such great pain upon don't get the option to just keep going.
So us, it will have always happened.
No matter how many times we go to bed, we wake up with the pain still.
We struggle through every minute of everyday.
Yet you go on as if everything is ok.
Like there was nothing you could do.
That these things just happen and it is a part of life.
While that might be true, technically everything is just a part of life, but that doesn't mean that it should have happened in the first place.
I am pissed and I am bitter.
I am tired of throwing life preservers will I am still drowning.
I have asked for help, and I am still waiting a response.
I know that there is no cure all out there.
And I understand that I can't expect everyone to fix my life for me.
And that is not what I am looking for, but I could really use the support from those I seek support from.
I just wish that when I talk about my feelings that someone would listen to me.
That they would see my pain.
And that they would be sympathetic and empathic as I think I would be if i was in their shoes.
I have lost a lot of friends through this up hill battle, and I thought that the ones I had left were true friends.
The kind that you can call crying and they will talk to you until you are laughing.
The kind that would do anything to see you happy again.
The kind that will go out with you when you can't be alone anymore.
The kind that will love and support you no matter what.
The kind that would just be there for me.
This is all so surreal.

More Paint Therapy Part 2

My most recent painting. The girls' birthday is coming up so I think that I will be doing a lot more "paint therapy" going on over the next couple weeks. Let me know what you think!