I don't know how my life got here. I don't know where I made such a wrong turn in order to get myself stuck in such a rut. I am not the type of person to just walk away without a fight. I know that everything I worked so hard for is gone. What do you do when the love of your life tells you that they don't want to be with you ever again? What do you do when they threaten you (not physically)? I don't know how to make myself move on when I just want to run back into his arms.
I just feel like the world is crumbling around me. My best friend and cousin is very sick. I am not sure what is going to happen and that really scares me. He has gone through so much and is still fighting, and he has been through so much. I don't know what I would do if that perfect example of strength and my friend and cousin wasn't there anymore.
I just don't know where to go from here. I know that I need to start living for me, but I have never known how to do that. I have always lived for everyone else's happiness, which makes me happy knowing that they are happy. How do I make myself happy? I just want the hope back that was taken from me last night. I want to at least have the hope back, but now without even that I just don't know what to find motivation in. I guess that I need to find it within myself. I need to find a way to pick up the pieces of my life and move on, but to be perfectly honest, I don't want to. I don't want to give up the fight for what I want. Why should I have to set aside what I want for other people? I just don't want this for myself. I don't want to give up what I want anymore, why should I have to? Oh I really hate catch 22s!!!!
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