I am so tired

I can't handle this anymore. I need to make a change that I really don't want to make. I don't want to lose this. I do not want to have to say goodbye. Can I even say goodbye? I have thought about doing it and it scares me so bad that I just shut out the thought of actually ever going through with it.
I just can't help but wonder if this is where I am supposed to be in life or not. Do I stay and fight? If I do will this inflicted pain ever end? Will I ever get out of this what I want? If I shut the door and say goodbye is that closing the door on where I am supposed to be? Am I supposed to move on and find a life that is bigger and better? I just feel that whichever way I go I will wind up regretting it one way or another.
I want my life back, I want my daughters here, home with me. They deserved a shot at this world more than most living people. I don't know if I will ever find peace in not having them here with me. I don't know how to honor them other than keep going no matter what happens... I am still doing great in school, that's because I have making them proud as my motivation. They are the reason I get out of bed each and everyday.
I am just trying so hard, and it feels like every single day brings new problems, one more reason to be confused, so now what? I try to cling on to what little hope I have, after all, it's all I got...